My Sunday Night

Me. My family. Celebrating just being us... just cause it is Sunday.  Having a feast. Joel and Bethany out at the BBQ.  Chatting happily :)  Gracie Babbling in the highchair, eating Cheerios! Me making salad and thinking that I am so blessed.  Content.  Food is ready: Dry seasoned Tandoori wings on the BBQ. Caesar Salad. Marinated Mushrooms.  Blessing said, thanking God for BBQs and good times.  The blessing of our family.  Living in the moment, celebrating.  This is the life :) I am fulfilled.

Hope your Sunday has been as good as mine.

Love, M.

Oh yeah... then out hot water tank blew...

My Little Lies and My Big Truths

On Friday night, Joel and I watched a movie called "The Invention of Lying." I was not impressed overall with the movie and really would not recommend it. That aside, it provoked a few thoughts for me.

The story follows the life of a man in a world where nobody has ever learned how to lie. Everyone only tells the truth and cannot even fathom doing otherwise, until this man stumbles upon lying. He is the only one in his world who learns to lie and so the story follows his life having this "advantage" over others.

This movie got me thinking about how often we lie in everyday life, so much so that it seems almost ingrained into our culture. In my own life I realized how often these lies come through without a second thought. How many times have these words left my lips in the form of a lie? "I'm fine thank you." "You look great!" "I understand." "That's ok." Even, "I'm Sorry." -- Yikes! When I stop to think about it I'm very guilty of not speaking the truth.  These lies have become almost necessary in life to get by and seem normal, and polite.  Our society is accustomed to both speaking and hearing these on a day to day basis.  I guess it made me stop and think that I need to hold myself more accountable for the things that come out of my mouth.  This doesn't mean I'm going to tell the polite cashier all my woes in the grocery lineup just because she asked me how I am doing today.  Really, it needs to balanced with a sense of propriety, but maybe I could be more careful about how I answer people.  There is the old saying we are taught as little children, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Maybe I can try to remember that balanced with "If you can't say anything TRUE don't say anything at all."  Just something to think about I guess.

This part of the movie was good and thought provoking I guess.  The movie became offensive to me in the second half.  You see, this man who is able to lie starts telling people that there is life after death.  He tells people that there is a "man in the sky who is in charge of the world." He tells people that there is a moral code that we must live by. The movie goes on and on implying that everything that we believe as Christians is a lie.  It implies that our belief in God (at least in a God who we can relate to personally), our belief in heaven and hell,  etc. are just lies that we believe to make us feel better -- that it all really does not exist.

I guess offensive is not really the right word.  There were parts that were downright offensive, but mostly I was not really offended, nor surprised, just disappointed, and a bit disgusted.  I actually found some irony in it all.  Christianity is shown as a series of lies that people use to make themselves feel better, or to explain things they otherwise could not explain.  In reality, that is the lie that people believe because it is more comfortable to them then to come to terms with the truth.  It is more comfortable to believe the lie that there is no hell, then to believe that it does exist and that people will go there.  It is more comfortable to believe the lie that there is no God and continue on living life the way you want, rather than to believe in a God that is too big for us to fully understand sometimes, and to change and live our lives for something bigger than ourselves.

In a way, the movie exposed some of the lies that people commonly believe. For example, that "good people" go to heaven and "bad people" go to hell.  This of course begs the question of "how good do you have to be to get to heaven?" In reality we are all bad people who need forgiveness and God in his mercy made a way through Jesus, for us to be forgiven and to be in communion with Him in this life and in heaven for eternity.

I guess it all boils down to being comfortable.  It is more comfortable to lie and believe lies than it is to tell and believe the truth, but is it worth it in the end?


So, as much as I did not like this movie, at least it caused me to thing and examine some things.
Well... I guess that's all for now folks!



Love,

M

My Birthday Blog

Today is my birthday. An ordinary day of sorts, especially since this year we are celebrating my birthday on another day (tomorrow actually). I cooked and cleaned and mommied as usual today and was again reminded of how ordinary Birthdays have become for me in some ways. When I was a little girl, I remember looking forward to my birthday for weeks and how the whole day had a special magic about it. When I awoke this morning, it was my husband who first reminded me of my Birthday, and I have since forgotten several times throughout the day. My birthday is still special and I am increasingly content to just share time with my family (not that I mind getting spoiled now and then too).
This year though, I found myself reflecting a lot on my life. There is no denying that I am now officially in my late twenties -- 28 is 2 years from thirty, which seemed so old when I was young, but now feels so ordinary. I have never felt like a real adult, more like an imposter. Maybe this comes from being the youngest of 4 children so I was always trying to act like I was grown up, so now that I have grown up it just kinda snuck up on me :S

... This blog got interrupted and now the thought line is gone. Prehaps I will revisit this at a later time... sorry.

P.S. My Birthday was earlier this week, not today when this was published :)

My Winter

I'm so excited that it is finally spring. With spring comes new life and new hope and a new beginnings. Boy could I use all of that.

This winter has been a tough one. My first clue should have been a sense of apprehension (if you could call it that) following Christmas. Have you ever smelled the air and knew that there was going to be a storm? That's the best way to describe what I felt deep inside. I shrugged it off as nothing much... and I suppose if you do as I do and compare your life to others, it probably was nothing much but to me, it was my reality.

My tough winter all started when my baby started to get sick. It was a gradual decline where she started to refuse food and become increasingly fussy about feeding. She started refusing to nurse one day and wanting only a bottle, then another day she would only nurse and refuse a bottle. This progressed throughout the month of January to the point that she was refusing to eat altogether and the only way to get nourishment into her was to sneak a bottle into her mouth when she fell asleep. When she did eat, it was not very much at a time. She was often fussy and difficult to settle. I thought it was a phase at first but it soon became clear that there was something the matter. I did some research and discovered her symptoms matched something called "silent reflux." Usually babies with reflux are easy to spot as they are always spitting up but silent reflux, it almost never comes out the mouth just up the esophagus and into the throat and then back down again, causing pain both ways.

Her doctor wasn't overly concerned at first but as she progressed, she dropped from around the 90th percentile to midway between the 25th and 50th. It was difficult as my Dr was in and out of town and so I seemed to see locums quite often and I'd have to explain everything over again. Eventually it was confirmed that she indeed appeared to have reflux and was put on an antacid to ease the discomfort.

To someone reading this, reflux sounds like not too big of a deal, and often it isn't. In her case, the problem came when she developed a feeding aversion. She began to associate eating with pain and therefore refused to eat.

This was heart-wrenching for me. She would fuss because she was hungry but then refuse to eat, gradually getting more upset. Sometimes we were able to get her to sleep easily, and other times she would rock her and hold her as she screamed until she finally was so exhausted that she fell asleep when we could finally feed her, which in turn caused more discomfort. As a mother we use feeding as a means of comfort to our children, and to mine it was her biggest source of discomfort.

Then came the stress and the guilt. False guilt, I know but guilt none the less. Guilt over not being able to feed or comfort your own baby, guilt over not continuing to breastfeed, guilt over not having enough time to play with Bethany or having to shush her so Gracie wouldn't wake up and stop eating. Stress about if or when we would ever get a handle on this, and not having enough hours in a day to do all I had to do (it was incredibly time consuming). I do not deal well with stress over an extended period of time and I ended up yelling at my other daughter far to often, not sleeping well, and gaining weight. YUCK! That is not the person I am or like to be, yet there I found myself. I did my best to burry my emotions and look like I had it all together but I'm pretty sure I did a really crappy job.

Anyways, she wasn't gaining weight and barely staying hydrated... and then she got the stomach flu. I worried about her for a few days, hemming and hawing over whether I would take her into emergency (it was over a weekend). I finally did take her in and they gave her some medicine to stop the vomiting as she was dehydrated. I remember watching the closing ceremonies on the TV screen in the waiting area of the ER. It was about a week later that it happened: one day she woke up in the middle of eating and didn't spit out the bottle. Then she did it again a few days later. The next day she drank a few ounces while awake. I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, if I should dare to hope that she might be better. Sure enough she started improving and with the arrival of spring, Gracie was a different kid. I never realized how much it really affected her until she had improved. She began to babble and giggle and wiggle and have energy and nap normally and be comforted. It felt so amazingly good to feed her when she was hungry and have her be satisfied. I knew we were out of the woods

Thanks be to God for spring and how it always brings new hope and life! And thank you to those of you who were so faithful in praying for her :)

Yikes... this was a long one. Thanks for reading and letting me tell my story to you. It's been quite cathartic.

Much love,

M

p.s. As an update, for the past 4 days Gracie has been going off of food again... I'm praying that it is just a little hickup, but whatever life brings, I am going into it renewed and with a new sense of hope. My God is good and faithful--He brought her through once, He can do it again!

p.p.s. I know it's been forever since my last blog but I was off of Facebook for lent, and with that I have spent a lot less time on the computer in general, so with that came almost no blogging too. I do "blog without obligation" but I will try to keep them coming on a bit more regular basis.

My Mr.

Since when has it become accepted to treat one's spouse with disrespect? Don't our wedding vows promise "to honour and to cherish?" Lately, it seems that somehow it has become acceptable and even somehow, sickly, encouraged to dishonour your spouse to others. The media all of a sudden has begun to paint this picture of husbands as emotionally disconnected, steak consuming, fashion challenged, unintelligent meatheads. Did you marry a man like that? I know I didn't! If this was the other way around and everyone was making fun of women, there would be a public outcry.

I think this mindset is contributing to the growing trend of what I call "husband bashing." I am unfortunately hearing more and more of this, from the lunch table where I worked to the lineup in the grocery store: Women speaking ill of their husbands to other women -- sometimes even with children present. It's disgraceful! How sad that women, who should be their husband's biggest advocate, are stooping to this low.

So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let you in on what a wonderful man I am blessed to call my husband. Here are just a few things that I absolutely love:

1. He is funny! I don't mean kind-of funny, I mean side-splitting-spew-milk-out-of-your-nose funny. He can always make me laugh, even when I don't want to, and a lot of the time he doesn't even have to try.

2. He finds me funny :)

3. He's such a family man. I can always count on him putting the family first. He works to support us, and when he's not at work he's with us. He enjoys spending time as a family.

4. He's an incredible father. We have two little girls and even though he may be exhausted after work, he always makes time to play with them and constantly affirms his love for them. There's no way a day ever goes by without each of them hearing (at least a few times) that he loves them.

5. He is careful with his words. We don't fight. I know that sounds weird, but really, we just don't. In almost 7 years of marriage we have never once yelled at each other, hurled a single insult, or had a serious disagreement that we have not been able to work out. He has never once said anything hurtful about my appearance, parenting skills, or personality (and he probably knows better than anyone how much that could be said). If he notices that there is something that needs improvement, it is always approached in a gentle way, careful not to hurt my feelings.

6. He is an amazing cook and loves to make stuff from scratch. Also, back when I was working early mornings at the hospital, he woke up at 5am with me every morning and made my breakfast while I showered :)

7. This is a favorite of mine: On several occasions I have woken him from a dead sleep and more often than not the first words from his mouth are, "I love you so much."

There...to name a few. I am blessed to have him.

Ladies, let's not put up with husband bashing anymore. We should set the example for how spouses should treat one anther. Let's brag on our men any chance we get! And let it never be from us that anyone would hear anything negative about them.

Well, that's all for now, I guess.

Love, M

Proverbs 12:4 "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

My Crazy

Everyone is crazy to some extent. I realized this for certain while taking psychology courses. When we learn about all the neuroses and psychoses and mood disorders. I could see people I knew all through those. Most of all I could see me. I've known my whole life that I am a little crazy. I like to think that others don't see it (see.. an example of crazy right there), but it's probably quite apparent. For those of you who know me really well, it's probably very apparent.

See, the key about being crazy is to just let it out in small pieces rather than unloading a crapload of crazy on just one person (or group of people), 'cause if you do, you just might end up in the psych ward. To illustrate this, here is yet another perfect clip from Scrubs (yes, I am a bit of an addict to this show). It's just too perfect!


See, I think if people did this then we would have a whole lot fewer people going to therapy.
Note: If you go to therapy, this is by no means a judgment on you... I think it's a very healthy thing to do. Just to clear that up. We all need to let out the crazy now and then.

As for me, I think I'll let out a little crazy into cyber space. Here's a few tidbits on me:
Crazy # 1 - I count syllables of random sentences and tap them out on my fingers over and over until the last syllable ends up on my pinky finger. Why?? Cause I guess I'm a little crazy. I've done this for as long as I can remember.
Crazy # 2 - I have an imaginary audience issue. I suppose it could be classified as a delusion of sorts. I will think way to much of what people might think of me, or who's gong to notice my bad hair day or that big zit on my chin. I know this is a pretty common one. I heard it once said, "You wouldn't worry so much what people think of you if you realized how seldom they did." Definitely words for me to live by. I try to remember that when this crazy sneeks up on me.
And... just for the heck of it here comes Crazy # 3 - If I go into the bathroom at night and don't turn the light on, I can't make myself look into the mirror. There... my secret's out. Probably one too many horror movies growing up. Not sure what exactly I'm scared of seeing in the mirror (except maybe some bad bedhead).

So there you have it... proof of my crazy. I could go on, but I won't.

That was fun. You should all try it.

Love, M

My Best Intentions

Today I saw two girls who looked about 12 walking down the street, both dressed in mini skirts, low-cut tops and black sheer pantyhose. I was sad. I don't need to mention what they reminded me of.

I think this bothered me because I myself have 2 beautiful, innocent daughters. I will sometime soon have to decide how to balance keeping them innocent and keeping them safe.

There is something so beautiful and pure about the innocence of a child. I have a 3-year-old who believes that everyone in the world is nice and good and loves her; and as a result she loves the world. I know my heart will break the day she has to come to understand that not everyone will love her just for who she is. One day, a friend will betray her or another little girl will say "You're not my friend anymore!" Someday soon she will come to realize that not everyone has her best intentions at heart and for her, that day, the world will cease to be a perfect place.

I know that innocence can not last forever. Our world is cruel and cold and hard. There are people who will prey on the innocent and naive, and I cannot responsibly let her go on in the bubble of innocence forever... as much as it will break my heart. But for now, she is only 3 and I am content to let her be so.

I really am not one who believes that we should bury our heads in the sand, or try to keep our children in some sanitized bubble. They need to understand the world around them. One can only develop compassion when they see suffering; one can only gain understanding by experiencing diversity; and I believe that you really can only meet other's needs when you see that there are those who have them. We need to teach our children how to be in the world but not of it... this is my responsibility as a parent. There are many Christian parents that are parenting out of fear of the world. They are so concerned about keeping their kids from being "contaminated" by the things of the world that they render their own children completely incapable of influencing it. How is the world to learn a better way when there is nobody to show them?

On the other hand, I do not believe that children need to be exposed to everything out there in the name of educating them. There are things that I believe it would be irresponsible or dangerous to expose my children to. Do we teach them that fire is hot by throwing them into it?

I guess I'm just wrestling with how I will responsibly preserve my children's innocence without fostering naivety. I just have to hope and pray that I am able to do the job, allow the Holy Spirit to guide and protect, and try to remember that as much as this world is cruel and cold and hard, that there is still much beauty in it

I guess that concludes my musings for the day...

Much Love,

M

My Baby Feeding Goats

This one's to blow off a little steam! There are a few things (well, more than a few) that bother me about our society. Specifically today it is how we deal with the process of feeding babies.

I have 2 daughters, one is 3 (so obviously not a baby anymore) and the other is getting close to 4 months. With both my girls I have used a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding. I have my personal reasons for this which I will not mention on this blog but would openly tell you if you asked. That said, it is NOT because I am to "lazy" to persevere with breast feeding alone as some people so readily assume; it actually takes a lot of work to accustom a baby to using both.

Now, here is what bugs me: If you choose to breastfeed, people in our culture get all uncomfortable when you want to feed your child in public places. I understand that there are some instances when it's not really going to be appropriate, for instance, in a job interview or perhaps while driving, or standing in as matron of honour at a friend's wedding. That aside, for some reason people can be really offended that you would choose to feed your hungry baby. That's the first of the baby feeding issues that gets my goat.

The second one is getting weird disapproving looks from hippie, organic, baby slinging moms when you buy formula or if they catch you bottle feeding. This also includes the afore mentioned assumptions (and we all know what happens when you assume). Seriously, do they really think that no one has ever told us that breast is best? And how do they even know that it's not breast milk in that bottle?? What business is it of anyone else how I choose to feed my baby. Just because you have been lucky enough to be able to breastfeed your baby does not give you the right to judge anyone else for their methods!!! They have no idea what has gone on in my life that makes it so that I am choosing to use formula. I may have had breast cancer, or be on a drug that could be passed on through milk, or I may have just chosen to use formula instead (these are all not the case with me by the way). People don't know and should not assume that using formula implies ignorance or laziness or not caring for your baby... it's a self righteous attitude that really makes me mad.

You just can't win in our society, so I think we should all just stop feeding our babies at all, that would solve the problem.

So, if you have strong opinions about baby feeding issues: do us all a favor and blog about it rather than casting disapproving looks at other moms just doing their best for their babies. So there... I feel somewhat better now, thanks for listening :)

So long,

M

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE SHOULD STOP FEEDING OUR BABIES. Please continue to feed your baby in whatever way you deem appropriate :)

DISCLAIMER # 2: Sorry, I do not know of any real goats that will feed your babies for you... just in case the title gave some false hope ;)

My Raisin Bread

It has been a long time since my last blog. Life and the holidays got in the way, or should I say, rather, that I did not let blogging get in the way of my life and the holidays. I suppose this is sort of a belated holiday post. Most of you are probably done with Christmas leftovers already... the turkey and treats are all gone and the only remainder there is is the few extra pounds that seem to stick around. Well, this is one last holiday leftover.

December 28th marks six-and-a-half years that I have been married to my wonderful husband and this got me reflecting on all that has been in our journey together. I was reminded yet again of raisin bread. Raisin bread has come to be a reminder (an Ebenezer of sorts) of God's provision in my marriage.

A little background for you: Joel and I married when we were both in Bible college (insert joke about "bridal college" here). We met and started dating in first year, were engaged the beginning of third year and were married between third and fourth year of college. Needless to say that we were indeed poor students. We were living in the roach infested married housing on the campus in a little appartment paying 475/month rent. Joel and I were both full time students and besides that I worked part time at Extra foods as a cashier. Neither of us had ever lived outside our parent's house before we were married either so there was a defined learning curve on many things including finances. We were living on a part time salary and had some savings, but not much. We learned quickly we had to make a tight budget and stick to it down to the letter.

I vividly remember grocery shopping one day and I saw a loaf of raisin bread. All of a sudden I would have loved to have a slice of raisin toast with a little butter. I picked it up, looked at it, but had to put it back. A four dollar loaf of raisin bread was out of the question because we couldn't afford it. I remember thinking to myself at that time: "I don't ever need to be rich, but I would really like to be able to live in such a way that I could up and buy a loaf of raisin bread without breaking the budget."

Since then we have been through many things financially. God has always provided and I am amazed at the many different avenues He has used to show us his faithfulness, and so blessed that we have never had any debt at all (including student loans). I consider myself blessed to have learned early on in our marriage how to trust God even when things seem impossible (specifically regarding finances). I can't say it was really a fun lesson to learn but ever so valuable.

So, this year, on our sixth Christmas together, our little family had a "Raisin Bread Christmas" (although it did not involve eating any actual raisin bread). This year, I felt so blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas generously, and without feeling strained. I was able to spoil my husband and kids a bit, and felt pretty spoiled myself. I know if you compared our Christmas to a lot of people's it wouldn't seem like much at all, but to me it was so significant. The holidays are not about material things and I don't want to make it sound like that is what is important, because it is not, but as I celebrated this year, there was an extra dose of thankfulness in my heart as I looked back and remembered the raisin bread.

Looking forward to what is to come this year, there are many things that are looking a little scary and we're not really sure how things will piece together. All I know is that my God is a provider, and I have to simply trust and obey... and remember.

I hope this new year finds you well,

Love, M

My Life Lessons

Now to continue along the lines of my last post.

I believe more and more every day that God has given me a rambunctious toddler to teach me more about myself and my relationship with Him. Here are just a few of the lessons:

1. Stop that or you'll get hurt.
I can't count how many times a day I have to say that to Bethany. She's seeing how high she can leap off the sofa. She's trying to climb the bookshelf. She's trying to hang from the clothing rack in the grocery store. She's running out of the bathroom still wet from the bath. She's... and the list is endless. So often I have heard the response "No I won't Mommy!"
It often ends in a crash and crying and me giving kisses and bandaids to make it all better, or discipline to teach her that she can't just do whatever she wants and that there are boundaries for a reason. I try to end each in a teaching moment.
Isn't this so much like our relationship with the Lord? "Melysa, don't do that... you'll get hurt!" "No I won't God... I know best...blah blah blah."
It becomes so much easier to understand the importance of boundaries and rules when you see your own sinful nature reflected in your toddler whom you would do anything to protect.

2. If you love me keep my commandments!
The words, "I love you!" are said and meant all the time. It's probably the most common phrase in our house second only to, "Bethany, stop that or you'll get hurt!" ;)
Joel and I say it oftenand as a result, Bethany also says it often. We will be sitting at the dinner table and Bethany will sweetly turn to Joel and say, "I love you Daddy." A few moments later when she has yet to take a bite of food, Joel will ask her to eat her dinner please. Her response often is to just continue with not eating, or sometimes when feeling bold, to outright refuse. We have often had to explain that when you say that you love someone, you need to show it by being nice to that person, because just saying it doesn't mean anything unless it goes together with nice actions. For mommy and daddy you can show that by listening and doing what we say. It brings a whole new understanding to keeping his commands if for no other reason then to show our love. Just a note, Bethany shows her love genuinely all the time but somethimes the actions and words don't line up. We confess to love God, our actions need to show it both to Him and to the world.

Here's a big one that follows closely to the last one:
3. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
In Bible times, sacrifices were not only a law by God but they were also gifts or offerings to God to show gratitude and love. Here's a common scenario (I notice it more often with Joel as she is more affectionate with him most of the time): Bethany has not been listening well or disobeying and she can sense that punishment is gonna come her way if she keeps up. Instead of changing her ways to avoid the discipline she will come running up and want to hug/kiss/cuddle with us. This is her way of showing love to us but at the moment, the last thing we will feel like doing is cuddling with her as she has been disobeying and has yet to change her ways and obey. In that moment, all I need from her to show her love is her obedience and that is far better than sacrifice.

4. Sometimes the answer is just "No."
Not so ironically Bethany and I have just had it out over something I have said no to. Often it results in lots if crying and difficulty in accepting that as the answer, even if there is a perfectly good reason. The other thing she does is just to keep asking and asking and asking and asking and... you get the idea. The other day I made the mistake of telling her she would be visiting a friend's house in a few days. She got very excited and I guess she had understood "in a few days" to mean "after your nap." She woke up from her nap and asked about when we would be going. I explained that it was not yet but after 2 more sleeps. She was upset and kept asking if we could go now and my answer was always the same. After some crying she came up, composed herself and said, "Mommy, I just want to ask you one last time. Can I go to his house now?" When my answer was the same that was all she could take and fell to the floor and cried (she's a bit of a drama queen for those of you who don't know her). At the time all I could do was laugh (not really the best response) because it was like she had convinced herself that just because she asked again that the answer was going to be different.
That is just so much like me when God says no to something I don't understand and how often I have asked him over and over unable to let go.

5. Keep a childlike faith
The first four have been negative... this one is positive. By the way, this probably paints a not very nice picture of my little girl. She is actually a very sweet, loving, caring, and polite little girl too. Like any toddler, she has her ups and downs, good days and bad days.

Bethany has such an easy time believing what she learns about Jesus. She often tells me that: "Jesus is full of love and Jesus loves me... and he loves you too, mommy."
"Jesus is always with me, mommy, even though I can't see Him."
"God would never let anything bad happen to me, He is always there."
"Jesus hears everything I say to Him."

We have always had two fairly dim flower lamps in Bethany's room that we leave on all night. One night I forgot to turn them on when I tucked her in and she called me back in to turn them on because "otherwise the monsters and bugs won't go away." Then she suddenly looked at me and said, "But I don't have to be afraid because Jesus is always here with me and he won't ever leave." then she smiled and snuggled down into bed completely at peace and confident that Jesus was there.

Wow, I've gone on and on today. These are just a few of the lessons God is using mommyhood to teach me. I really should get going and get on with my day.

Love and Peace,
M

P.S. I'm sure that sometimes God must feel like he's running a daycare center or something.

My insights from a potty spill

Yesterday was a big day. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary but just a whole lot of normal, combined with a headache and a missed cup of coffee -- and no, the headache was not caused by the missed cup of coffee ("I'm not that dependent yet" write I, taking a swig of coffee).

For those of you who may not know, I am currently on Maternity leave staying home with two little girls. I have a very busy three-year-old daughter named Bethany, and a ten-week-old baby girl named Grace (Gracie as we call her). Gracie is normally a pretty mellow little baby as far as baby's go but yesterday she was fussy ALL DAY. I think Gracie was reacting to the stress of the day before when she had a few tests done at the hospital. In any case it was constant fussiness and wimpering and not wanting to eat so that took a lot of my attention. Bethany was busy as normal but demanding of attention that I didn't have time to give to her alone. By the evening I was worn out, crabby and probably a little too short with Bethany... regretfully.

My evening was winding down (as was my energy and patience) and I had just finished bathing Bethany and was leaving the bathroom with her to get into her p.j.s when I tripped over her potty chair which was not empty... well actually it was now emptied all over the floor. I grabbed some paper towels and went to clean up the mess and as I was leaning over my now urine covered bathroom floor I was suddenly reminded that being a mom was a privilege. God can bring thoughts to mind and find teachable moments in the strangest of places.

More specifically I was convicted over being short with my daughter. It brought to mind the conversation that I had with Joel a few months back about how our children are not ours but rather God's children entrusted into our care and the responsibility that brings with it. It was truly humbling to reexamine what I sometimes take for granted.

Unfortunately, this is all I have time to write about it at this time but I'll come back to this later... Mommying is calling...

Love, M.

My Beginning

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog. This is my first ever blog and I'm new to this whole thing, so we'll just have to see where this goes. I can't promise a laugh or a cry in every read but for those of you who pop by, welcome :)

First things first. I think I need to explain my blog name. This name was inspired by an episode of Scrubs. The direct quote is from Dr. Cox who after tiring of hearing everyone's troubles that day jumps up and sarcastically becomes an award show host saying: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Sacred Heart Who-Carsies Awards, designed to honor those people who believe that others actually give a rat's @$$ about the minutia of their lives." (pardon the rude word).

Go Dr Cox! Isn't that just what this is all about? Sure, some people really have a purpose to their blogs but for most of us it is simply sharing the minutia of our lives. Blogging is inviting people into your little life, such as it is. We share our feelings, random thoughts, and funny anecdotes for anyone (real or imagined) to read. Who knows if anyone will actually read this blog or any others that I may happen to write, and yet the idea that it is there for people to read if they wish gives me the inspiration to create it.

For me personally, this blog is a bit of a stretch. I'm not one who shares my true feelings and inner thoughts easily -- at least not face to face, even with those who know me well. I don't know why that is... it simply is. For me it will be a way for me to show those who choose to read a bit of myself, real and unguarded -- a form of catharsis if you will.

So... off I set on my little adventure, and in the words of the ghost of Christmas present: "Come in and know me better man!"

Thanks for popping by and I'll see y'all again soon.

Love, M.

P.S. Here's a link to the youtube clip of that scene from scrubs for those of you who may be interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3F0ERe9V7M