My Mr.

Since when has it become accepted to treat one's spouse with disrespect? Don't our wedding vows promise "to honour and to cherish?" Lately, it seems that somehow it has become acceptable and even somehow, sickly, encouraged to dishonour your spouse to others. The media all of a sudden has begun to paint this picture of husbands as emotionally disconnected, steak consuming, fashion challenged, unintelligent meatheads. Did you marry a man like that? I know I didn't! If this was the other way around and everyone was making fun of women, there would be a public outcry.

I think this mindset is contributing to the growing trend of what I call "husband bashing." I am unfortunately hearing more and more of this, from the lunch table where I worked to the lineup in the grocery store: Women speaking ill of their husbands to other women -- sometimes even with children present. It's disgraceful! How sad that women, who should be their husband's biggest advocate, are stooping to this low.

So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let you in on what a wonderful man I am blessed to call my husband. Here are just a few things that I absolutely love:

1. He is funny! I don't mean kind-of funny, I mean side-splitting-spew-milk-out-of-your-nose funny. He can always make me laugh, even when I don't want to, and a lot of the time he doesn't even have to try.

2. He finds me funny :)

3. He's such a family man. I can always count on him putting the family first. He works to support us, and when he's not at work he's with us. He enjoys spending time as a family.

4. He's an incredible father. We have two little girls and even though he may be exhausted after work, he always makes time to play with them and constantly affirms his love for them. There's no way a day ever goes by without each of them hearing (at least a few times) that he loves them.

5. He is careful with his words. We don't fight. I know that sounds weird, but really, we just don't. In almost 7 years of marriage we have never once yelled at each other, hurled a single insult, or had a serious disagreement that we have not been able to work out. He has never once said anything hurtful about my appearance, parenting skills, or personality (and he probably knows better than anyone how much that could be said). If he notices that there is something that needs improvement, it is always approached in a gentle way, careful not to hurt my feelings.

6. He is an amazing cook and loves to make stuff from scratch. Also, back when I was working early mornings at the hospital, he woke up at 5am with me every morning and made my breakfast while I showered :)

7. This is a favorite of mine: On several occasions I have woken him from a dead sleep and more often than not the first words from his mouth are, "I love you so much."

There...to name a few. I am blessed to have him.

Ladies, let's not put up with husband bashing anymore. We should set the example for how spouses should treat one anther. Let's brag on our men any chance we get! And let it never be from us that anyone would hear anything negative about them.

Well, that's all for now, I guess.

Love, M

Proverbs 12:4 "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

My Crazy

Everyone is crazy to some extent. I realized this for certain while taking psychology courses. When we learn about all the neuroses and psychoses and mood disorders. I could see people I knew all through those. Most of all I could see me. I've known my whole life that I am a little crazy. I like to think that others don't see it (see.. an example of crazy right there), but it's probably quite apparent. For those of you who know me really well, it's probably very apparent.

See, the key about being crazy is to just let it out in small pieces rather than unloading a crapload of crazy on just one person (or group of people), 'cause if you do, you just might end up in the psych ward. To illustrate this, here is yet another perfect clip from Scrubs (yes, I am a bit of an addict to this show). It's just too perfect!


See, I think if people did this then we would have a whole lot fewer people going to therapy.
Note: If you go to therapy, this is by no means a judgment on you... I think it's a very healthy thing to do. Just to clear that up. We all need to let out the crazy now and then.

As for me, I think I'll let out a little crazy into cyber space. Here's a few tidbits on me:
Crazy # 1 - I count syllables of random sentences and tap them out on my fingers over and over until the last syllable ends up on my pinky finger. Why?? Cause I guess I'm a little crazy. I've done this for as long as I can remember.
Crazy # 2 - I have an imaginary audience issue. I suppose it could be classified as a delusion of sorts. I will think way to much of what people might think of me, or who's gong to notice my bad hair day or that big zit on my chin. I know this is a pretty common one. I heard it once said, "You wouldn't worry so much what people think of you if you realized how seldom they did." Definitely words for me to live by. I try to remember that when this crazy sneeks up on me.
And... just for the heck of it here comes Crazy # 3 - If I go into the bathroom at night and don't turn the light on, I can't make myself look into the mirror. There... my secret's out. Probably one too many horror movies growing up. Not sure what exactly I'm scared of seeing in the mirror (except maybe some bad bedhead).

So there you have it... proof of my crazy. I could go on, but I won't.

That was fun. You should all try it.

Love, M

My Best Intentions

Today I saw two girls who looked about 12 walking down the street, both dressed in mini skirts, low-cut tops and black sheer pantyhose. I was sad. I don't need to mention what they reminded me of.

I think this bothered me because I myself have 2 beautiful, innocent daughters. I will sometime soon have to decide how to balance keeping them innocent and keeping them safe.

There is something so beautiful and pure about the innocence of a child. I have a 3-year-old who believes that everyone in the world is nice and good and loves her; and as a result she loves the world. I know my heart will break the day she has to come to understand that not everyone will love her just for who she is. One day, a friend will betray her or another little girl will say "You're not my friend anymore!" Someday soon she will come to realize that not everyone has her best intentions at heart and for her, that day, the world will cease to be a perfect place.

I know that innocence can not last forever. Our world is cruel and cold and hard. There are people who will prey on the innocent and naive, and I cannot responsibly let her go on in the bubble of innocence forever... as much as it will break my heart. But for now, she is only 3 and I am content to let her be so.

I really am not one who believes that we should bury our heads in the sand, or try to keep our children in some sanitized bubble. They need to understand the world around them. One can only develop compassion when they see suffering; one can only gain understanding by experiencing diversity; and I believe that you really can only meet other's needs when you see that there are those who have them. We need to teach our children how to be in the world but not of it... this is my responsibility as a parent. There are many Christian parents that are parenting out of fear of the world. They are so concerned about keeping their kids from being "contaminated" by the things of the world that they render their own children completely incapable of influencing it. How is the world to learn a better way when there is nobody to show them?

On the other hand, I do not believe that children need to be exposed to everything out there in the name of educating them. There are things that I believe it would be irresponsible or dangerous to expose my children to. Do we teach them that fire is hot by throwing them into it?

I guess I'm just wrestling with how I will responsibly preserve my children's innocence without fostering naivety. I just have to hope and pray that I am able to do the job, allow the Holy Spirit to guide and protect, and try to remember that as much as this world is cruel and cold and hard, that there is still much beauty in it

I guess that concludes my musings for the day...

Much Love,

M

My Baby Feeding Goats

This one's to blow off a little steam! There are a few things (well, more than a few) that bother me about our society. Specifically today it is how we deal with the process of feeding babies.

I have 2 daughters, one is 3 (so obviously not a baby anymore) and the other is getting close to 4 months. With both my girls I have used a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding. I have my personal reasons for this which I will not mention on this blog but would openly tell you if you asked. That said, it is NOT because I am to "lazy" to persevere with breast feeding alone as some people so readily assume; it actually takes a lot of work to accustom a baby to using both.

Now, here is what bugs me: If you choose to breastfeed, people in our culture get all uncomfortable when you want to feed your child in public places. I understand that there are some instances when it's not really going to be appropriate, for instance, in a job interview or perhaps while driving, or standing in as matron of honour at a friend's wedding. That aside, for some reason people can be really offended that you would choose to feed your hungry baby. That's the first of the baby feeding issues that gets my goat.

The second one is getting weird disapproving looks from hippie, organic, baby slinging moms when you buy formula or if they catch you bottle feeding. This also includes the afore mentioned assumptions (and we all know what happens when you assume). Seriously, do they really think that no one has ever told us that breast is best? And how do they even know that it's not breast milk in that bottle?? What business is it of anyone else how I choose to feed my baby. Just because you have been lucky enough to be able to breastfeed your baby does not give you the right to judge anyone else for their methods!!! They have no idea what has gone on in my life that makes it so that I am choosing to use formula. I may have had breast cancer, or be on a drug that could be passed on through milk, or I may have just chosen to use formula instead (these are all not the case with me by the way). People don't know and should not assume that using formula implies ignorance or laziness or not caring for your baby... it's a self righteous attitude that really makes me mad.

You just can't win in our society, so I think we should all just stop feeding our babies at all, that would solve the problem.

So, if you have strong opinions about baby feeding issues: do us all a favor and blog about it rather than casting disapproving looks at other moms just doing their best for their babies. So there... I feel somewhat better now, thanks for listening :)

So long,

M

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE SHOULD STOP FEEDING OUR BABIES. Please continue to feed your baby in whatever way you deem appropriate :)

DISCLAIMER # 2: Sorry, I do not know of any real goats that will feed your babies for you... just in case the title gave some false hope ;)

My Raisin Bread

It has been a long time since my last blog. Life and the holidays got in the way, or should I say, rather, that I did not let blogging get in the way of my life and the holidays. I suppose this is sort of a belated holiday post. Most of you are probably done with Christmas leftovers already... the turkey and treats are all gone and the only remainder there is is the few extra pounds that seem to stick around. Well, this is one last holiday leftover.

December 28th marks six-and-a-half years that I have been married to my wonderful husband and this got me reflecting on all that has been in our journey together. I was reminded yet again of raisin bread. Raisin bread has come to be a reminder (an Ebenezer of sorts) of God's provision in my marriage.

A little background for you: Joel and I married when we were both in Bible college (insert joke about "bridal college" here). We met and started dating in first year, were engaged the beginning of third year and were married between third and fourth year of college. Needless to say that we were indeed poor students. We were living in the roach infested married housing on the campus in a little appartment paying 475/month rent. Joel and I were both full time students and besides that I worked part time at Extra foods as a cashier. Neither of us had ever lived outside our parent's house before we were married either so there was a defined learning curve on many things including finances. We were living on a part time salary and had some savings, but not much. We learned quickly we had to make a tight budget and stick to it down to the letter.

I vividly remember grocery shopping one day and I saw a loaf of raisin bread. All of a sudden I would have loved to have a slice of raisin toast with a little butter. I picked it up, looked at it, but had to put it back. A four dollar loaf of raisin bread was out of the question because we couldn't afford it. I remember thinking to myself at that time: "I don't ever need to be rich, but I would really like to be able to live in such a way that I could up and buy a loaf of raisin bread without breaking the budget."

Since then we have been through many things financially. God has always provided and I am amazed at the many different avenues He has used to show us his faithfulness, and so blessed that we have never had any debt at all (including student loans). I consider myself blessed to have learned early on in our marriage how to trust God even when things seem impossible (specifically regarding finances). I can't say it was really a fun lesson to learn but ever so valuable.

So, this year, on our sixth Christmas together, our little family had a "Raisin Bread Christmas" (although it did not involve eating any actual raisin bread). This year, I felt so blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas generously, and without feeling strained. I was able to spoil my husband and kids a bit, and felt pretty spoiled myself. I know if you compared our Christmas to a lot of people's it wouldn't seem like much at all, but to me it was so significant. The holidays are not about material things and I don't want to make it sound like that is what is important, because it is not, but as I celebrated this year, there was an extra dose of thankfulness in my heart as I looked back and remembered the raisin bread.

Looking forward to what is to come this year, there are many things that are looking a little scary and we're not really sure how things will piece together. All I know is that my God is a provider, and I have to simply trust and obey... and remember.

I hope this new year finds you well,

Love, M

My Life Lessons

Now to continue along the lines of my last post.

I believe more and more every day that God has given me a rambunctious toddler to teach me more about myself and my relationship with Him. Here are just a few of the lessons:

1. Stop that or you'll get hurt.
I can't count how many times a day I have to say that to Bethany. She's seeing how high she can leap off the sofa. She's trying to climb the bookshelf. She's trying to hang from the clothing rack in the grocery store. She's running out of the bathroom still wet from the bath. She's... and the list is endless. So often I have heard the response "No I won't Mommy!"
It often ends in a crash and crying and me giving kisses and bandaids to make it all better, or discipline to teach her that she can't just do whatever she wants and that there are boundaries for a reason. I try to end each in a teaching moment.
Isn't this so much like our relationship with the Lord? "Melysa, don't do that... you'll get hurt!" "No I won't God... I know best...blah blah blah."
It becomes so much easier to understand the importance of boundaries and rules when you see your own sinful nature reflected in your toddler whom you would do anything to protect.

2. If you love me keep my commandments!
The words, "I love you!" are said and meant all the time. It's probably the most common phrase in our house second only to, "Bethany, stop that or you'll get hurt!" ;)
Joel and I say it oftenand as a result, Bethany also says it often. We will be sitting at the dinner table and Bethany will sweetly turn to Joel and say, "I love you Daddy." A few moments later when she has yet to take a bite of food, Joel will ask her to eat her dinner please. Her response often is to just continue with not eating, or sometimes when feeling bold, to outright refuse. We have often had to explain that when you say that you love someone, you need to show it by being nice to that person, because just saying it doesn't mean anything unless it goes together with nice actions. For mommy and daddy you can show that by listening and doing what we say. It brings a whole new understanding to keeping his commands if for no other reason then to show our love. Just a note, Bethany shows her love genuinely all the time but somethimes the actions and words don't line up. We confess to love God, our actions need to show it both to Him and to the world.

Here's a big one that follows closely to the last one:
3. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
In Bible times, sacrifices were not only a law by God but they were also gifts or offerings to God to show gratitude and love. Here's a common scenario (I notice it more often with Joel as she is more affectionate with him most of the time): Bethany has not been listening well or disobeying and she can sense that punishment is gonna come her way if she keeps up. Instead of changing her ways to avoid the discipline she will come running up and want to hug/kiss/cuddle with us. This is her way of showing love to us but at the moment, the last thing we will feel like doing is cuddling with her as she has been disobeying and has yet to change her ways and obey. In that moment, all I need from her to show her love is her obedience and that is far better than sacrifice.

4. Sometimes the answer is just "No."
Not so ironically Bethany and I have just had it out over something I have said no to. Often it results in lots if crying and difficulty in accepting that as the answer, even if there is a perfectly good reason. The other thing she does is just to keep asking and asking and asking and asking and... you get the idea. The other day I made the mistake of telling her she would be visiting a friend's house in a few days. She got very excited and I guess she had understood "in a few days" to mean "after your nap." She woke up from her nap and asked about when we would be going. I explained that it was not yet but after 2 more sleeps. She was upset and kept asking if we could go now and my answer was always the same. After some crying she came up, composed herself and said, "Mommy, I just want to ask you one last time. Can I go to his house now?" When my answer was the same that was all she could take and fell to the floor and cried (she's a bit of a drama queen for those of you who don't know her). At the time all I could do was laugh (not really the best response) because it was like she had convinced herself that just because she asked again that the answer was going to be different.
That is just so much like me when God says no to something I don't understand and how often I have asked him over and over unable to let go.

5. Keep a childlike faith
The first four have been negative... this one is positive. By the way, this probably paints a not very nice picture of my little girl. She is actually a very sweet, loving, caring, and polite little girl too. Like any toddler, she has her ups and downs, good days and bad days.

Bethany has such an easy time believing what she learns about Jesus. She often tells me that: "Jesus is full of love and Jesus loves me... and he loves you too, mommy."
"Jesus is always with me, mommy, even though I can't see Him."
"God would never let anything bad happen to me, He is always there."
"Jesus hears everything I say to Him."

We have always had two fairly dim flower lamps in Bethany's room that we leave on all night. One night I forgot to turn them on when I tucked her in and she called me back in to turn them on because "otherwise the monsters and bugs won't go away." Then she suddenly looked at me and said, "But I don't have to be afraid because Jesus is always here with me and he won't ever leave." then she smiled and snuggled down into bed completely at peace and confident that Jesus was there.

Wow, I've gone on and on today. These are just a few of the lessons God is using mommyhood to teach me. I really should get going and get on with my day.

Love and Peace,
M

P.S. I'm sure that sometimes God must feel like he's running a daycare center or something.

My insights from a potty spill

Yesterday was a big day. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary but just a whole lot of normal, combined with a headache and a missed cup of coffee -- and no, the headache was not caused by the missed cup of coffee ("I'm not that dependent yet" write I, taking a swig of coffee).

For those of you who may not know, I am currently on Maternity leave staying home with two little girls. I have a very busy three-year-old daughter named Bethany, and a ten-week-old baby girl named Grace (Gracie as we call her). Gracie is normally a pretty mellow little baby as far as baby's go but yesterday she was fussy ALL DAY. I think Gracie was reacting to the stress of the day before when she had a few tests done at the hospital. In any case it was constant fussiness and wimpering and not wanting to eat so that took a lot of my attention. Bethany was busy as normal but demanding of attention that I didn't have time to give to her alone. By the evening I was worn out, crabby and probably a little too short with Bethany... regretfully.

My evening was winding down (as was my energy and patience) and I had just finished bathing Bethany and was leaving the bathroom with her to get into her p.j.s when I tripped over her potty chair which was not empty... well actually it was now emptied all over the floor. I grabbed some paper towels and went to clean up the mess and as I was leaning over my now urine covered bathroom floor I was suddenly reminded that being a mom was a privilege. God can bring thoughts to mind and find teachable moments in the strangest of places.

More specifically I was convicted over being short with my daughter. It brought to mind the conversation that I had with Joel a few months back about how our children are not ours but rather God's children entrusted into our care and the responsibility that brings with it. It was truly humbling to reexamine what I sometimes take for granted.

Unfortunately, this is all I have time to write about it at this time but I'll come back to this later... Mommying is calling...

Love, M.