My Raisin Bread

It has been a long time since my last blog. Life and the holidays got in the way, or should I say, rather, that I did not let blogging get in the way of my life and the holidays. I suppose this is sort of a belated holiday post. Most of you are probably done with Christmas leftovers already... the turkey and treats are all gone and the only remainder there is is the few extra pounds that seem to stick around. Well, this is one last holiday leftover.

December 28th marks six-and-a-half years that I have been married to my wonderful husband and this got me reflecting on all that has been in our journey together. I was reminded yet again of raisin bread. Raisin bread has come to be a reminder (an Ebenezer of sorts) of God's provision in my marriage.

A little background for you: Joel and I married when we were both in Bible college (insert joke about "bridal college" here). We met and started dating in first year, were engaged the beginning of third year and were married between third and fourth year of college. Needless to say that we were indeed poor students. We were living in the roach infested married housing on the campus in a little appartment paying 475/month rent. Joel and I were both full time students and besides that I worked part time at Extra foods as a cashier. Neither of us had ever lived outside our parent's house before we were married either so there was a defined learning curve on many things including finances. We were living on a part time salary and had some savings, but not much. We learned quickly we had to make a tight budget and stick to it down to the letter.

I vividly remember grocery shopping one day and I saw a loaf of raisin bread. All of a sudden I would have loved to have a slice of raisin toast with a little butter. I picked it up, looked at it, but had to put it back. A four dollar loaf of raisin bread was out of the question because we couldn't afford it. I remember thinking to myself at that time: "I don't ever need to be rich, but I would really like to be able to live in such a way that I could up and buy a loaf of raisin bread without breaking the budget."

Since then we have been through many things financially. God has always provided and I am amazed at the many different avenues He has used to show us his faithfulness, and so blessed that we have never had any debt at all (including student loans). I consider myself blessed to have learned early on in our marriage how to trust God even when things seem impossible (specifically regarding finances). I can't say it was really a fun lesson to learn but ever so valuable.

So, this year, on our sixth Christmas together, our little family had a "Raisin Bread Christmas" (although it did not involve eating any actual raisin bread). This year, I felt so blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas generously, and without feeling strained. I was able to spoil my husband and kids a bit, and felt pretty spoiled myself. I know if you compared our Christmas to a lot of people's it wouldn't seem like much at all, but to me it was so significant. The holidays are not about material things and I don't want to make it sound like that is what is important, because it is not, but as I celebrated this year, there was an extra dose of thankfulness in my heart as I looked back and remembered the raisin bread.

Looking forward to what is to come this year, there are many things that are looking a little scary and we're not really sure how things will piece together. All I know is that my God is a provider, and I have to simply trust and obey... and remember.

I hope this new year finds you well,

Love, M

My Life Lessons

Now to continue along the lines of my last post.

I believe more and more every day that God has given me a rambunctious toddler to teach me more about myself and my relationship with Him. Here are just a few of the lessons:

1. Stop that or you'll get hurt.
I can't count how many times a day I have to say that to Bethany. She's seeing how high she can leap off the sofa. She's trying to climb the bookshelf. She's trying to hang from the clothing rack in the grocery store. She's running out of the bathroom still wet from the bath. She's... and the list is endless. So often I have heard the response "No I won't Mommy!"
It often ends in a crash and crying and me giving kisses and bandaids to make it all better, or discipline to teach her that she can't just do whatever she wants and that there are boundaries for a reason. I try to end each in a teaching moment.
Isn't this so much like our relationship with the Lord? "Melysa, don't do that... you'll get hurt!" "No I won't God... I know best...blah blah blah."
It becomes so much easier to understand the importance of boundaries and rules when you see your own sinful nature reflected in your toddler whom you would do anything to protect.

2. If you love me keep my commandments!
The words, "I love you!" are said and meant all the time. It's probably the most common phrase in our house second only to, "Bethany, stop that or you'll get hurt!" ;)
Joel and I say it oftenand as a result, Bethany also says it often. We will be sitting at the dinner table and Bethany will sweetly turn to Joel and say, "I love you Daddy." A few moments later when she has yet to take a bite of food, Joel will ask her to eat her dinner please. Her response often is to just continue with not eating, or sometimes when feeling bold, to outright refuse. We have often had to explain that when you say that you love someone, you need to show it by being nice to that person, because just saying it doesn't mean anything unless it goes together with nice actions. For mommy and daddy you can show that by listening and doing what we say. It brings a whole new understanding to keeping his commands if for no other reason then to show our love. Just a note, Bethany shows her love genuinely all the time but somethimes the actions and words don't line up. We confess to love God, our actions need to show it both to Him and to the world.

Here's a big one that follows closely to the last one:
3. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
In Bible times, sacrifices were not only a law by God but they were also gifts or offerings to God to show gratitude and love. Here's a common scenario (I notice it more often with Joel as she is more affectionate with him most of the time): Bethany has not been listening well or disobeying and she can sense that punishment is gonna come her way if she keeps up. Instead of changing her ways to avoid the discipline she will come running up and want to hug/kiss/cuddle with us. This is her way of showing love to us but at the moment, the last thing we will feel like doing is cuddling with her as she has been disobeying and has yet to change her ways and obey. In that moment, all I need from her to show her love is her obedience and that is far better than sacrifice.

4. Sometimes the answer is just "No."
Not so ironically Bethany and I have just had it out over something I have said no to. Often it results in lots if crying and difficulty in accepting that as the answer, even if there is a perfectly good reason. The other thing she does is just to keep asking and asking and asking and asking and... you get the idea. The other day I made the mistake of telling her she would be visiting a friend's house in a few days. She got very excited and I guess she had understood "in a few days" to mean "after your nap." She woke up from her nap and asked about when we would be going. I explained that it was not yet but after 2 more sleeps. She was upset and kept asking if we could go now and my answer was always the same. After some crying she came up, composed herself and said, "Mommy, I just want to ask you one last time. Can I go to his house now?" When my answer was the same that was all she could take and fell to the floor and cried (she's a bit of a drama queen for those of you who don't know her). At the time all I could do was laugh (not really the best response) because it was like she had convinced herself that just because she asked again that the answer was going to be different.
That is just so much like me when God says no to something I don't understand and how often I have asked him over and over unable to let go.

5. Keep a childlike faith
The first four have been negative... this one is positive. By the way, this probably paints a not very nice picture of my little girl. She is actually a very sweet, loving, caring, and polite little girl too. Like any toddler, she has her ups and downs, good days and bad days.

Bethany has such an easy time believing what she learns about Jesus. She often tells me that: "Jesus is full of love and Jesus loves me... and he loves you too, mommy."
"Jesus is always with me, mommy, even though I can't see Him."
"God would never let anything bad happen to me, He is always there."
"Jesus hears everything I say to Him."

We have always had two fairly dim flower lamps in Bethany's room that we leave on all night. One night I forgot to turn them on when I tucked her in and she called me back in to turn them on because "otherwise the monsters and bugs won't go away." Then she suddenly looked at me and said, "But I don't have to be afraid because Jesus is always here with me and he won't ever leave." then she smiled and snuggled down into bed completely at peace and confident that Jesus was there.

Wow, I've gone on and on today. These are just a few of the lessons God is using mommyhood to teach me. I really should get going and get on with my day.

Love and Peace,
M

P.S. I'm sure that sometimes God must feel like he's running a daycare center or something.

My insights from a potty spill

Yesterday was a big day. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary but just a whole lot of normal, combined with a headache and a missed cup of coffee -- and no, the headache was not caused by the missed cup of coffee ("I'm not that dependent yet" write I, taking a swig of coffee).

For those of you who may not know, I am currently on Maternity leave staying home with two little girls. I have a very busy three-year-old daughter named Bethany, and a ten-week-old baby girl named Grace (Gracie as we call her). Gracie is normally a pretty mellow little baby as far as baby's go but yesterday she was fussy ALL DAY. I think Gracie was reacting to the stress of the day before when she had a few tests done at the hospital. In any case it was constant fussiness and wimpering and not wanting to eat so that took a lot of my attention. Bethany was busy as normal but demanding of attention that I didn't have time to give to her alone. By the evening I was worn out, crabby and probably a little too short with Bethany... regretfully.

My evening was winding down (as was my energy and patience) and I had just finished bathing Bethany and was leaving the bathroom with her to get into her p.j.s when I tripped over her potty chair which was not empty... well actually it was now emptied all over the floor. I grabbed some paper towels and went to clean up the mess and as I was leaning over my now urine covered bathroom floor I was suddenly reminded that being a mom was a privilege. God can bring thoughts to mind and find teachable moments in the strangest of places.

More specifically I was convicted over being short with my daughter. It brought to mind the conversation that I had with Joel a few months back about how our children are not ours but rather God's children entrusted into our care and the responsibility that brings with it. It was truly humbling to reexamine what I sometimes take for granted.

Unfortunately, this is all I have time to write about it at this time but I'll come back to this later... Mommying is calling...

Love, M.

My Beginning

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog. This is my first ever blog and I'm new to this whole thing, so we'll just have to see where this goes. I can't promise a laugh or a cry in every read but for those of you who pop by, welcome :)

First things first. I think I need to explain my blog name. This name was inspired by an episode of Scrubs. The direct quote is from Dr. Cox who after tiring of hearing everyone's troubles that day jumps up and sarcastically becomes an award show host saying: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Sacred Heart Who-Carsies Awards, designed to honor those people who believe that others actually give a rat's @$$ about the minutia of their lives." (pardon the rude word).

Go Dr Cox! Isn't that just what this is all about? Sure, some people really have a purpose to their blogs but for most of us it is simply sharing the minutia of our lives. Blogging is inviting people into your little life, such as it is. We share our feelings, random thoughts, and funny anecdotes for anyone (real or imagined) to read. Who knows if anyone will actually read this blog or any others that I may happen to write, and yet the idea that it is there for people to read if they wish gives me the inspiration to create it.

For me personally, this blog is a bit of a stretch. I'm not one who shares my true feelings and inner thoughts easily -- at least not face to face, even with those who know me well. I don't know why that is... it simply is. For me it will be a way for me to show those who choose to read a bit of myself, real and unguarded -- a form of catharsis if you will.

So... off I set on my little adventure, and in the words of the ghost of Christmas present: "Come in and know me better man!"

Thanks for popping by and I'll see y'all again soon.

Love, M.

P.S. Here's a link to the youtube clip of that scene from scrubs for those of you who may be interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3F0ERe9V7M